Hospice Nurse Shares a Common Behavior Observed Near the End of Life
Healthcare professionals who work in hospice and palliative care often witness moments that are both deeply emotional and difficult to explain. These caregivers spend their days supporting people in the final stage of life, and over time many begin to notice patterns in how some patients behave as death approaches.
One observation that has recently drawn attention online comes from Katie Duncan, a nurse practitioner based in Maryland who has spent years caring for patients in hospitals, intensive care units, and home hospice settings. Through her experience, she has noticed a behavior that many other caregivers say they have also seen.
According to Duncan, some patients gently lift their hands or reach upward shortly before they pass away. The movement can look as though the person is trying to touch something in the air above them or reach toward someone standing nearby, even when nothing visible is there.
She has described these moments as surprisingly common among people nearing the end of life.
A gesture many caregivers recognize
In hospice environments, nurses and doctors frequently observe subtle physical or emotional changes during the final days or hours of life. Duncan explained that occasionally a patient will slowly raise their arms, extend their hands, or appear to reach out toward the space above them.
Sometimes patients speak during these moments, mentioning people who died earlier in their lives — parents, spouses, siblings, or close friends. Other times the movement happens quietly, without any explanation from the patient.
Many caregivers say the gesture does not appear distressed or fearful. Instead, the atmosphere often feels calm.
Families who witness these moments sometimes describe them as peaceful, even comforting.
No single medical explanation
Medical professionals note that there is no single scientific explanation for why this behavior occurs.
Experts studying the end-of-life process have proposed several possibilities. Changes in brain chemistry, reduced oxygen levels, medication effects, or neurological activity could potentially influence perception and movement during the final stage of life.
At the same time, the dying process can involve complex psychological and emotional experiences. Some patients report vivid memories, dreams, or visions involving loved ones who passed away earlier.
Because every person’s experience is different, researchers continue to study the physical and mental changes that occur during the final phase of life.
The perspective of hospice care
For professionals working in hospice and palliative care, the focus is less on explaining every detail and more on ensuring comfort and dignity for patients.
Observations like the reaching gesture are often shared with families so they understand that unusual movements or comments may occur near the end of life. Knowing this can help relatives feel less alarmed if they witness something unexpected.
Many hospice workers emphasize that what stands out most in these moments is the sense of calm that often accompanies them.
Rather than fear, patients frequently appear relaxed or at peace.
For families standing beside the bed of someone they love, that calmness can offer a small measure of reassurance during an incredibly difficult time.
While science continues to explore the biological changes that happen as life draws to a close, caregivers say the most important part of their role remains the same: providing compassion, presence, and comfort.
And sometimes, simply helping families understand that they are not alone in what they are witnessing.
My 12-Year-Old Daughter Cu.t Off Her Hair for a Girl with Can:cer – Then the Principal Called and Said, 'You Need to Come Now and See What Happened with Your Own Eyes'
I raced to school after the principal called about strange men asking for my daughter, certain grief was about to take something else from us. Instead, one brave act of kindness pulled my late husband's love back into the room in a way I never saw coming.
The principal called while I was rinsing out Letty's cereal bowl and trying not to look at the empty hook where Jonathan's keys still should have been.
"Piper?" he said. His voice was tight. "You need to come in immediately."
My hand slipped. The bowl cracked against the sink.
"Is Letty okay?"
"She's safe," he said quickly. Too quickly. "But six men came in together asking for her by name. My secretary thought we needed security."
Three months earlier, another careful male voice had told me my husband, Jonathan, was gone.
"You need to come in immediately."
"Who are they?"
"They said Jonathan's old plant. Letty heard his name and refused to leave the office. Piper, she's safe, but everyone's emotional. You need to come now."
He hung up.
I stood there, staring at my phone while the water ran. Letty's backpack was gone. Jonathan was dead.
And fear, I had learned, never waited for permission.
"You need to come now."
The night before, I'd found my daughter standing barefoot in a field of it.
"Letty?" I'd knocked on the bathroom door once. "Honey, can I come in?"
She stood in front of the mirror with kitchen scissors in one hand and a ribbon-tied bundle of hair in the other. Her hair was hacked to her shoulders, crooked and jagged, and her chin was shaking.
I stared at the floor first, then at her. "Letty... what did you do?"
She lifted her shoulders like she was bracing for impact. "Don't be mad."
"Letty... what did you do?"
"I'm trying very hard to start somewhere before mad."
That got the tiniest breath out of her, but her eyes filled anyway.
"There's a girl in my class named Millie," she said. "She's in remission, but her hair still hasn't grown back right. Today the boys laughed at her in science. She cried in the bathroom, Mom. I heard her."
Letty held up the ribboned hair. "I looked it up. Real hair can go into wigs. And mine won't be enough by itself, but maybe it can help."
"Baby..."
"I know it looks awful."
"She cried in the bathroom, Mom. I heard her."
"Like you fought hedge clippers and barely won," I said.
She laughed once, then wiped her face with the heel of her hand. "Was it stupid?"
Jonathan had lost his hair in clumps on a pillowcase. Letty had never forgotten it. Neither had I.
I crossed the room, took the scissors from her, and pulled her into my arms. "No," I whispered. "No, sweetheart. Your dad would be so proud of you. I know I am."
She cried against my shoulder for a little while, then leaned back. "Can we fix my hair? I look like a founding father."
Letty had never forgotten it.
An hour later, we were at Teresa's salon, where Letty sat in a cape while Teresa studied the damage and sighed once softly.
Teresa's husband, Luis, came in halfway through and stopped when he saw the ponytail on the counter.
"What's all this?" he asked.
Before I could answer, Letty said, "A girl in my class needs a wig."
He looked at her properly and then smiled at me in the mirror. "Hi, Piper. That's Jonathan's girl, all right."
My daughter sat a little straighter under the cape. "You knew my dad?"
"A girl in my class needs a wig."
Luis nodded. "Yes, sweetie. I worked with him for eight years."
She touched the blunt ends of her hair. "He would've liked this haircut?"
Teresa snorted. "No decent man would support a bathroom haircut, my girl."
"Mama," Letty whined.
"But," Teresa added, softening, "he would've loved the reason for it."
Luis leaned against the station and looked at Letty. "Your dad couldn't stand seeing people suffer alone. It drove him crazy."
"He would've loved the reason for it."
Letty looked down at her hands. "Millie tried to act like she didn't care, but she did."
"Of course she did, baby," I said.
Teresa stayed late. Between fixing my daughter's hair and matching hair already set aside for pediatric wigs, she managed to finish one by the next morning.
***
Before school, Letty and I picked up the wig.
"Do I look weird, Mom?"
"You look like yourself," I said. "Just with less maintenance."
"Of course she did, baby."
That got a smile out of her.
Then she lifted the box a little. "Do you think Millie will actually wear it?"
"I'm not sure, baby. It might be uncomfortable for her. But even if she chooses not to, she'll know how brave and kind you are."
***
Two hours later, Principal Brennan had called.
By the time I reached the school, my palms were damp against the steering wheel.
Mr. Brennan was already outside the office.
"What is this?" I asked. "Who are these people?"
That got a smile out of her.
"They came in together, Piper, all wearing plant jackets and asking for Letty by name," he said. "My secretary panicked. Then I did."
"Why is my daughter with them?"
His face shifted. "Because the second they said Jonathan's name, she asked to stay."
Then he opened the office door.
What I saw inside nearly folded me in half.
"My secretary panicked. Then I did."
Letty stood by the window with both hands over her mouth. Millie sat beside her, wearing the wig. On her thin face, it looked beautiful.
Her mother stood behind her, crying into a tissue.
And in the middle of the room, on Mr. Brennan's desk, sat Jonathan's old yellow hard hat.
His name was still written inside the rim. The glittery purple star Letty had stuck on it when she was six was still there too.
Millie sat beside her, wearing the wig.
Mr. Brennan shut the door behind me. "Piper, before they explain, there's something else you need to know. The boys who laughed at Millie didn't just do it once. We pulled one of them from class after Letty brought in the wig. A teacher overheard enough that we started asking questions."
Jenna's face hardened. "My daughter has been eating lunch in the nurse's bathroom for two weeks."
I looked at Millie. "Oh, sweetheart."
Letty went white. "I didn't know it was that long."
Six men stood around the desk in work jackets and heavy boots, all trying to look less overwhelming than they naturally did.
"I didn't know it was that long."
Luis stepped forward first.
"Piper."
I pressed a hand to my chest. "Why is Jonathan's hat here?"
Another man moved beside him. Marcus, Jonathan's old supervisor.
He held out an envelope.
"Your husband kept this in his locker," he said. "He told us if the right day ever came, we'd know. Yesterday Teresa told Luis what Letty did. Luis told us. And we came, because that's what you do for family."
He held out an envelope.
I looked at the envelope.
My name was on it in Jonathan's handwriting.
"For Piper."
My knees weakened.
Letty looked at me through tears. "Mom, they knew Dad."
I laughed and cried at the same time.
Marcus cleared his throat. "Your husband talked about you girls every break he had. We knew about Letty's soccer cleats, your blueberry pancakes, and how you always packed Jon an extra lunch in case one of us needed food."
"Mom, they knew Dad."
"Oh my goodness," I said, reliving those moments.
Then Marcus's face softened. "When Jonathan got sick, he started a jar in the break room for families getting crushed by cancer bills. He said if he knew what this felt like, there had to be other families drowning too. He called it the Keep Going Fund."
Millie's mother lifted her head.
Marcus set a check on the desk.
"We figured the fund had found where it belonged."
Marcus's face softened.
Millie's mother stared at the check. "No. I can't take that."
"Yes, you can," I said before anyone else could speak. "You can. Because if Jonathan started that fund, then he started it for families exactly like yours."
Jenna looked at me and started crying harder.
"And if this school knew that child was hiding in a bathroom," I said, turning to Mr. Brennan, "then this room is not where the story ends."
"I can't take that."
Millie touched the wig at her temple like she still didn't trust it. Letty smiled at her. "Different doesn't have to mean bad."
That was when she finally looked at the man who'd worked with my husband. "You really came here because I cut my hair?"
Hank rubbed his eyes. "No, kiddo. We came because the second Luis told us what you did, every one of us said the same thing."
He looked at me, then at Letty.
"That's Jonathan's girl."
The room went still.
"Different doesn't have to mean bad."
I took the envelope with both hands. "I can't read this in front of people."
"I can read what he left with me," Marcus said. "You read yours later."
He cleared his throat and pulled a note from his pocket:
"If my girls ever forget what kind of man I tried to be, remind them by how you show up.
Letty will always lead with her heart. Piper will pretend she's fine and carry too much by herself. Don't let either one of them stand alone if you can help it."
I covered my mouth.
"Letty will always lead with her heart."
Millie's mother crossed the room and crouched beside me. "I'm Jenna," she said softly. "And... thank you. I don't know how to thank your daughter."
I swallowed hard. "Our family fought cancer too. Letty watched all of it happen to her father. She knows what it costs people."
Jenna's face crumpled.
Letty turned pink. "I just didn't want Millie hiding in the bathroom at lunch anymore."
Millie looked at her.
"I hate that bathroom," she said.
"I know, Millie," Letty said.
"Our family fought cancer too."
Then the men started talking over each other, Jonathan covering shifts, keeping Letty's drawings in his locker, taking my baking to work and pretending he'd made it.
"That man couldn't bake," I said.
"We knew," Marcus said. "We respected the lie."
Then Letty asked, "Did he talk about me a lot?"
Luis answered first. "Every day."
"Even when he got really sick?"
"Especially then."
Millie reached over and took Letty's hand.
"That man couldn't bake."
For the first time since the funeral, grief didn't feel like a locked room. It felt like a door opening.
I stood up and wiped my face.
"All right," I said. "We are not turning Letty into a school mascot for kindness."
Then I looked at Mr. Brennan. "But this school is going to do more than cry in an office for ten minutes and move on. Millie is in remission, not untouched. Those boys need consequences, and every child here needs to learn what happened to her matters."
He straightened. "Their parents are already on the way, and the boys are suspended from activities until we finish the review. And we'll start something bigger."
"Those boys need consequences."
I nodded. "Good."
I looked at Jenna. "And if you're comfortable, the fund stays in Jonathan's name."
She pressed the tissue to her mouth and nodded. "I'd be honored."
Letty stared at me. "You sound like Daddy."
That hit me straight in the ribs.
"You sound like Daddy."
In the hallway, I opened Jonathan's envelope.
"Piper,
If you're reading this, one of the guys kept a promise for me.
I know you. By now you've carried too much and told everybody you're fine.
You were the brave one long before I got sick.
If Letty ever does something that breaks your heart open in the good way, don't close it again out of fear.
Let people love you.
— Jon"
I folded the paper and pressed it to my chest.
"You were the brave one."
Outside the school, the air felt cold and clean. Jenna stood by the curb with Millie, one hand resting between her daughter's shoulders like she was afraid to lose contact.
I walked over first.
"Dinner tonight," I said.
Jenna blinked. "What?"
"You're coming over." I looked at Millie. "No arguments. I know every trick for feeding somebody who says they're not hungry. I got very good at it."
"You're coming over."
Jenna's eyes filled. "Piper..."
"I'm serious."
Millie looked at Letty. "Can I have dinner at your house too?"
Letty gave her a small smile. "Only if you don't hide in the bathroom anymore."
Millie smiled back. "Only if you stop cutting your own hair without supervision."
"That's fair."
Jenna laughed through tears, and something in all four of us softened.
Millie looked at Letty.
On the drive home, Letty held Jonathan's hard hat in her lap. "Do you think Dad would've cried today?"
I smiled through fresh tears. "Absolutely. Then he would've lied about it."
Jonathan hadn't come home to us, but somehow, because of our daughter, his love still had.
