Women reveal how long they would actually like sex to last
Studies and surveys can offer some insight into what might be considered “average,” but when it comes to sex, there is no universal standard. Preferences vary widely, and partners don’t always share the same needs or expectations. Ultimately, what matters most is what feels right for the individuals involved.
One commonly cited metric in research is the time from penetration to ejaculation, known as intra-ejaculatory latency time. Several studies using this measurement suggest that penetrative sex lasts about five minutes on average. This figure often surprises people, especially since many imagine that sex typically goes on much longer.
Interestingly, men tend to estimate their own sexual encounters as lasting longer than they actually do, often placing the average closer to nine minutes. Other research has found that when people are asked how long sex should last, the “ideal” duration they describe is around 16 minutes. Taken together, these findings highlight a clear gap between perception, expectation, and reality when it comes to sexual duration.
This naturally raises the question of what women actually want. In 2019, GQ writer Sophia Benoit explored the topic by informally surveying women and collecting their responses. Her findings suggested that most women preferred sex to last somewhere between five and ten minutes, particularly when it was paired with sufficient foreplay beforehand. She also emphasized that many scientific studies focus exclusively on penetration, which does not reflect the full sexual experience for many women.
Benoit noted that many of the women she spoke with believed their own experiences were shorter than average. In reality, most of their answers were very close to—or even longer than—the commonly cited average of about 5.4 minutes. This disconnect reinforces the idea that people often underestimate what is typical and overestimate what others are experiencing.
Additional perspectives have echoed these findings. During an episode of Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast, psychiatrist Dr. Alok Kanojia discussed sexual duration alongside sexual health expert Dr. Rena Malik and adult film director Erika Lust. Dr. Kanojia explained that the average length of sexual intercourse generally falls between three and seven minutes. He also noted that about half of the women he had spoken with did not want sex to last longer than 15 minutes.
Dr. Malik added another important layer to the discussion by pointing out that men and women often require different amounts of time to reach orgasm. On average, men may need around five to six minutes to ejaculate, while women can take significantly longer—sometimes up to 14 minutes. This difference helps explain why focusing solely on penetration may not align with mutual satisfaction.
Taken as a whole, these insights suggest that there is no single “ideal” length of sex. What feels fulfilling depends on personal preference, communication, and compatibility between partners. Duration alone does not determine satisfaction, and longer is not necessarily better.
The most important takeaway is that sexual experiences should be guided by comfort, openness, and enjoyment rather than by comparison to averages or assumptions. Understanding your own preferences and communicating them honestly with a partner matters far more than meeting any perceived benchmark.
If you found this perspective interesting, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
I Was Called to School Because My Son Got Into an Al.tercation – When I Saw the Boy Sitting Next to Him, I Went Pale
When the school called to say my seven-year-old son had gotten into a fight, I expected tears and apologies. Instead, I walked into the principal's office and saw another boy with his face, his scar, and his eyes. Then his mother arrived and shattered my life with a single sentence.
I was folding laundry when the school's number flashed across my phone.
"Ma'am, there's been an incident with Noah," the secretary said. "A physical altercation. Please come right away."
I drove faster than I should have.
My son was seven years old and the gentlest child I had ever known.
I couldn't imagine him being involved in a fight.
"Please come right away."
Noah had never even raised his hands to another child.
***
My heels tapped too loudly as I rushed toward the principal's office.
The door was half-open.
I pushed it the rest of the way and stopped.
For a moment, I didn't understand what I was looking at.
Noah was sitting in a small wooden chair against the wall, his cheeks blotchy from crying.
Beside him sat another boy, and the sight of him took my breath away.
I rushed toward the principal's office.
The same upturned nose as Noah.
The same dark eyes.
The same gap between his front teeth.
He even had the same small scar above his left eyebrow!
The room narrowed until there were only those two faces, identical and impossible, blinking up at me.
I didn't know it yet, but I'd just stumbled into a secret I was never supposed to uncover.
He even had the same small scar above his left eyebrow!
"Ma'am." Principal Hayes stood. "Please, sit down. We're still waiting on the other parent."
I lowered myself into the chair across from the boys.
I couldn't look away from the stranger who wore my son's face.
"Mom, I didn't start it," Noah whispered, his bottom lip trembling. "He has my compass. He said his dad gave it to him."
"Your compass?" I murmured. "The one your dad gave you for your birthday?"
The stranger who wore my son's face.
Noah nodded.
I turned to the other child.
He was watching me with cautious, careful eyes.
"What's your name, honey?"
"Lucas," he said quietly.
Even his voice sounded so similar to Noah's.
"Lucas." I tried to smile. "That's a nice name. How old are you?"
"Seven."
"How old are you?"
Seven… Same as Noah.
How was it possible for two children to be so alike?
I pressed my hands flat against my knees to keep them from shaking.
I told myself that coincidences happened.
I told myself there had to be an innocent explanation.
Then the office door clicked open behind me.
How was it possible for two children to be so alike?
I turned toward the sound.
A woman walked in.
She was in her mid-thirties and wore her dark hair pulled back.
She saw me and stopped dead.
Her jaw clenched and her eyes went wide.
She clearly knew exactly who I was and was caught off-guard by my presence.
I took a closer look at her, and that's when it hit me.
She saw me and stopped dead.
I knew her from somewhere.
I searched my memories.
She stepped inside and turned away slightly to close the door.
When she turned back to look at the principal, I recognized her all at once.
She was a nurse.
She'd brought me medication three days after Noah was born.
I recognized her all at once.
She had smiled at me and said, "You have a beautiful boy. Not every woman is given the gift of having a child."
It made me cry at the time.
I looked at Lucas, then back to her.
Was she his mother?
The boy didn't look like her at all.
Was she his mother?
The principal cleared his throat. "Thank you both for coming. Now, let's address why we're here."
Noah and Lucas both looked down immediately.
Principal Hayes sighed. "Apparently the disagreement started over these."
He opened a drawer and set a brass compass on the desk.
I recognized the compass immediately.
Mark had given it to Noah.
"Apparently the disagreement started over these."
Principal Hayes gestured to the compass. "Both boys claim this belongs to them."
"My dad gave it to me," Noah said.
Lucas frowned. "My dad gave me mine."
I cleared my throat. "Excuse me, but there could be a simple way to tell who the compass belongs to."
"Yes?" Principal Hayes nodded to me.
"Both boys claim this belongs to them."
"Noah does have a compass exactly like that, but his has a small 'M' scratched on the back. It's his father's initial."
Principal Hayes turned the compass over.
"That won't help," the nurse cut in. "Lucas's compass also has an 'M' scratched on the back."
Principal Hayes arched his eyebrows.
Another similarity…
"It's his father's initial."
Principal Hayes cleared his throat again.
"In that case, I suggest you both check your children's things to see which of them is missing their compass. With your permission, we'll keep this until the rightful owner can be identified."
I nodded.
The nurse nodded too.
"The boys argued about the compass during lunch," Hayes continued. "Things escalated. Neither child was seriously hurt, but we need to make sure this doesn't happen again."
"We'll keep this until the rightful owner can be identified."
Both boys nodded.
The principal softened. "Good. That's settled."
***
The woman, Elena, left the office in a hurry after the meeting concluded.
I caught up to her in the parking lot.
I stared at her, not quite knowing what to say.
Then she sighed.
"Susan, I hoped we would NEVER meet," she said quietly. "I really did."
I caught up to her
"How do you know my name?" I asked.
"I've known your name for seven years."
"Start talking. Right now. Why does Lucas look exactly like Noah?"
She took a breath, and I could see her gathering courage.
She lowered herself onto a bench facing the lot.
"It's time you know what your husband really did."
"Why does Lucas look exactly like Noah?"
"What Mark did?" An icy fear clawed down my spine.
She nodded. "I worked at St. Mary's seven years ago."
"I know. I remember you."
"Something happened at that hospital that you were never supposed to know."
My stomach dropped. "What does that mean?"
"Two boys were born a few months apart."
"You were never supposed to know."
"So?"
"There were concerns about birth records."
For the first time since entering the school, a terrifying possibility took shape.
What if one of those boys belonged to someone else?
What if my son wasn't mine at all?
I stared at her. "What are you saying?"
A terrifying possibility took shape.
Elena looked away, then back at me.
And suddenly I knew.
The fear in her face wasn't the fear of a whistleblower.
It was guilt.
"Answer me."
She reached slowly into her bag and pulled out her phone.
And suddenly I knew.
"I don't want to do this here," she said. "I never wanted to do this at all. I begged Mark to tell you. For seven years I begged him."
"You know Mark?" I leaned away from her. "Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"
She nodded, and my heart broke.
"Why now?"
"Because our boys go to the same school now. Because Lucas came home last week and said he met a boy who looked just like him."
"Are you telling me what I think you're telling me?"
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, and my voice broke.
Elena's eyes softened.
"I'm not doing this TO you," she said. "I'm doing this FOR my son. He deserves to stop being a secret."
"And what about my son?"
"Your son deserves a mother who knows the truth."
"And what about my son?"
I tried to breathe.
"Show me," I whispered. "You must have evidence."
"The hospital records show his name as the father on both birth certificates," she said. "There's also this."
She unlocked her phone, tapped on the screen, then held it out to me.
And as my fingers closed around the phone, I knew I was about to see the last seven years of my life rewritten in front of my eyes.
"You must have evidence."
The first photo was Mark in a hospital gown, holding a newborn.
The next photo was Lucas on a tricycle with Mark behind him, hands on the handlebars.
The next was Lucas blowing out birthday candles.
Mark was beside him, leaning in, the same proud smile I had photographed a hundred times at our own kitchen table.
I pressed my hand against my mouth.
Mark was beside him
Everything collapsed at once.
"That's why they look so much alike. The boys are half-brothers. Mark is their father, and he…" I stared at her as tears filled my eyes. "He's been having an affair with you for years."
"Yes." Elena returned her phone to her purse. "But there's more you need to know."
She pulled out an envelope.
"What's that?"
She pulled out an envelope.
"Just look."
She held the envelope out to me.
I pulled out the papers and flipped through them.
I thought I'd already faced the worst news I'd ever gotten in my life.
The contents of that envelope proved me wrong.
"Just look."
Bank statements.
Account numbers I recognized and one I didn't.
"What is this?"
"He bought us a house. Two streets behind the school. He paid cash from your joint account in increments small enough that you would not notice if you were not looking closely."
"He told me I was being paranoid when I asked about the savings last spring."
"What is this?"
"He told me you had agreed to a separation," Elena said. "He told me you were the one delaying the divorce."
I let out a sound that was almost a laugh. "We never discussed a divorce."
Her face went still.
For a moment we just looked at each other.
Two women in the same lie, told from opposite sides.
And I knew one thing for certain: Mark had gotten away with this for far too long already.
Two women in the same lie, told from opposite sides.
I pulled out my phone.
Mark answered on the second ring.
"Hey, babe, I'm in a meeting, can I—"
"Come to Noah's school. Right now."
"Is he okay? What happened?"
"Come to the school, Mark."
"Come to Noah's school. Right now."
There was a pause.
"I'm twenty minutes out—"
"Make it ten."
I hung up.
Elena was watching me.
"Well, are you staying to confront him with me, or are you leaving?"
I hung up.
Elena let out a breath and looked out over the parking lot.
"I'll stay," she said softly. "This has gone on for long enough."
Ten minutes later, a black SUV swung into the parking lot.
Mark climbed out.
His tie was crooked.
His face was slick with sweat.
The moment he saw Elena sitting beside me, he froze.
"This has gone on for long enough."
For the first time in seven years, he looked afraid.
"Sweetheart," he said quickly. "Whatever she told you, it's a lie."
I laughed.
Not because it was funny.
Because it was the only thing left to do.
"Really? Which part, Mark? The one where our son has a half-brother, or the one where you took money from our joint account to buy your second family a house?"
"Whatever she told you, it's a lie."
"All of it!" Mark ran his fingers through his hair. "Are you serious right now? This woman tells you—"
"Stop right there with your lies." I pointed at him. "I saw Lucas. He's practically Noah's twin. And I saw the bank statements that prove you've been moving money around.
Mark glanced at Elena.
Then at the envelope in my hand.
His face drained of color.
"Stop right there with your lies."
"She's obsessed with me," he said. "I've told you that before."
Elena stared at him.
"No," she said quietly. "You told me your wife was obsessed with keeping you trapped."
He turned toward her.
"Elena—"
"You told me you were getting separated."
"She's obsessed with me,"
His mouth opened.
Nothing came out.
"You told me she refused to sign divorce papers," Elena continued.
I held up my left hand.
The wedding ring was still there.
"I didn't even know there was supposed to be a divorce. When were you planning to tell me, Mark?"
The wedding ring was still there.
Mark looked from her to me.
For the first time, there was nowhere left for him to hide.
"You lied to both of us," I said.
"I was trying to protect everyone."
"Protect?" Elena stood. "Lucas spent seven years waiting for you to show up at school events because you said people couldn't know he existed."
"You lied to both of us,"
His shoulders sagged.
I pulled the bank statements from the envelope.
"And this?"
Mark didn't answer.
"The house. The money. Noah's college fund."
"I was going to pay it back."
Mark didn't answer.
That was somehow worse.
A long silence settled over the parking lot.
Then Elena shook her head.
"You know what's pathetic?" she said. "For years, I thought I was the other woman."
I looked at her.
"So did I."
That was somehow worse.
Mark flinched.
Good.
He deserved to.
I slipped my wedding ring off and pressed it into his hand.
The gesture seemed to age him ten years.
"We're done."
I slipped my wedding ring off.
"Please," he whispered.
"No."
His eyes filled with panic.
Not grief.
Not remorse.
Panic.
Because for the first time, he understood what he'd lost.
His eyes filled with panic.
Not one family.
Both.
Elena stood beside me.
Neither of us touched him.
Neither of us raised our voices.
We didn't have to.
Elena stood beside me.
The truth had already done all the damage.
Mark stood alone in the middle of the parking lot while the two women he'd lied to walked away in opposite directions.
And for the first time in seven years, he had nobody left to go home to.
